The
Awakening
submitted
June 2001
Anonymous
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst
of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere
the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying
or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind
tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you
blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to
look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that
it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for
happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you
are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy
tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And
that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with
YOU, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the
fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love,
appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled
to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving
and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found
confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop bitching
and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do
for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is
the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for
you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your
own and to take care of yourself and in the
process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging
and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and
to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process
a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that
much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result
of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your
psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about
how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh,
what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive,
how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who
you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect
of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what
you owe your parents.
You learn to open
up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing
and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn
the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard
the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought
into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance
of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only
cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned
at the stake.
Then you learn about
love, Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give
in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to
project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that
you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important
because of the man or woman on
your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look
at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn
that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn
that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to
make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.
And you look in
the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a
size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image
inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You
also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things
over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings
of entitlement are perfectly O.K. . . . that it is your right to want
things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less.
And you allow only the hands of a lover who
cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process
you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that
your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking
more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue
diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more
time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul,
so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that,
for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and
that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything
worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something
to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly,
you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline,
and perseverance.
You also learn that
no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn
that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of
all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your
fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and
to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life
on your terms.
You learn to fight
for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending
doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what
you think you deserve, and that sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting,
good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.
You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.
It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most
primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative
feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and
redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the
universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and
to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take
comfort in many of the simple things you take
for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about: A full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed,
a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself
by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray
yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And
you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay
open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage
in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take
a deep breath, and you begin, as best as you can, to design the life
you want to live.
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